


A Modest Proposal

by MarcusRowland



Series: Terawatt Tales [5]
Category: Stargate SG-1, The Secret World of Alex Mack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 07:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10589571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarcusRowland/pseuds/MarcusRowland
Summary: In the world of Diane Castle's fanficThe Secret Return of Alex Mack, based on the TV showThe Secret World of Alex Mackand numerous other fandoms, there is a LOT of very weird science. Which means some equally weird grant applications...PLEASE READThe Secret Return of Alex Mackbefore any of my stories in this setting, because all of them contain spoilers for it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I strongly advise reading at least [The Secret Return of Alex Mack](https://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-28614/DianeCastle+The+Secret+Return+of+Alex+Mack.htm) before this story. However, all that you really _need_ to know is that a drug called GC-161 gives some people superpowers, which sometimes include telekinesis and occasionally telekinetic flight. Additionally, "Bresslyn Orphans" were genetically modified for perfect health, superior strength and intelligence, etc.; unfortunately this was done for some fairly nasty reasons, and many Orphans, especially those who were actively groomed for roles in a spectacularly evil conspiracy, are not nice people.
> 
> This was originally published as a chapter in [What's What in the Tera-Verse](https://tthf.me/0luK), a round robin of "factual" material for Diane Castle's series.

At least five thousand grant proposals related to metahumans and related scientific issues are received by UCLA each year, declining from a peak of 7000+ in the year following the announcement of Terawatt's existence. Some of these proposals are accepted; most are not. Common reasons for rejection include the use of dubious or illegal research techniques (most often involving GC-161 and other banned drugs), invasion of privacy, funding difficulties, and sheer incomprehensibility. In a few cases the most obvious question is "What the ---- were they thinking?" as in several proposals which seemed likely to cause as much damage as the worst Orphan attacks. Others are superficially much more convincing.

A few samples - names and some other details have been omitted:

**Telekinesis and Neocortical Neuron Count**  
...[telekinesis] has only been exhibited by humans and the larger vertebrates, although there are occasional rumours that Danielle Atron suppressed results that showed [it] in test animals including rabbits and guinea pigs. The most powerful animal telekinetic known is probably the elephant _L. africana_ known as Dumbo, which is of course able to fly...  
...an obvious test method would be to inject GC-161 into one or more captive Long-Finned Pilot Whales _Globicephala melas_ (the only animals to exceed human neuron count) and study their development of telekinesis. Since these whales' brains contain nearly twice as many neocortical neurons as humans, Ballard's theory suggests an approximate four-fold increase in telekinetic power - for example, if Terawatt can lift a ton using telekinesis, this species would be able to lift four tons. De Groot's theory offers a more complex relationship, but would suggest an even higher multiplier, on the order of fourteen tons. Since adult _G. melas_ weigh 1.3 to 2.3 metric tons it is probable that they would be able to levitate with considerable force. Maintaining captivity at this stage might present difficulties...  
...tests with sharks of similar body mass to these whales, such as Great Whites ( _Carcharodon carcharias_ ) might be especially illuminating; since they do not have cerebral cortexes as such, and have a lower neuron count generally, theory suggests that they should not gain any noticeable telekinetic ability...

(Funding refused for safety, legality and other reasons. One comment on this proposal: "So if he's wrong about neuron count being the key factor, we'd end up with flying sharks? He forgot the fricking lasers in their heads! Maybe he should sell the idea to the Sci-Fi channel, not UCLA.")

**Metahuman Body Morphology and Platonic Ideals**  
...To summarise, our experience of real-world superheroines suggests that they tend toward a Platonic "Ideal Form" which is often very similar to that depicted in comic books and other media sources. Is this simply imitation of art, or a psychic gestalt imposing itself upon the more malleable morphology of the metahuman? The only way to be sure would be to measure and photograph a typical selection of metahumans under standardized conditions and without artificial aids such as elasticated clothing (Spandex™), padded undergarments, etc., and compare the results with non-metahumans of the same age, ethnic grouping, etc...  
...nudity would obviously be preferable, but if this is unacceptable airport-style whole body scanners could be used. Careful study and comparison to art created prior to the arrival of the first superheroine (Terawatt) should suggest future lines of enquiry; for example, if it became apparent that the form of metahumans was being influenced by the gestalt opinion of the Ideal, it might be possible to use hypnosis and other techniques to change the gestalt of a test group, and thus change the morphology of a target metahuman. Breast size is one obvious target for such a study...

(Rejected on the grounds of invasion of privacy and general sleasiness; UCLA did not wish to be associated with such an experiment. While the applicant's academic credentials were genuine, it was later learned that he was working for a well-known men's magazine at the time the application was submitted.)

**A New Approach to Mycoprotein Synthesis**  
...In view of the coming global population crisis predicted by Walsh[1] et. al. it is essential to increase the production of all forms of food...  
[1] See e.g. accounts of several conversations reported by "Dani" Atron at the latter's trial.  
...Mycoprotein has numerous advantages; it is easy to grow, is not banned by any religion or dietary belief, its production does not harm animals, and it is already manufactured in a variety of forms under trade names such as Quorn™. The main limit to its use is the microscopic size of the organisms, the fungus _Fusarium venenatum_ , which must be grown in fermenters over a period of several weeks and filtered out for further processing. The complexity of this process and the need for sterile procedures makes mycoprotein less than satisfactory for areas with limited technological resources. But what if the individual organisms were large enough to be handled by less sophisticated techniques?  
...use of Deemer's Solution to produce giant insects etc. is well known (see e.g. the "Giant Tarantula" incident), and it is also known to affect other species including mammals. It seems plausible that it might also affect smaller organisms such as _F. venenatum_ , producing macroscopic organisms that could be fed on plant waste etc. rather than sugar solutions, handled directly or by simple mechanical means, and cooked and eaten whole or ground to make a meat substiture. There are obviously some technical issues, such as the need to avoid Deemer's Solution entering the food chain, but carefully adjusted dosages ought to...

(Rejected for safety reasons: It was pointed out that "limited technological resources" and "carefully adjusted dosages" might possibly be mutually exclusive. There was also some concern that giant plant-eating fungi might be as big a threat as the Downington Blob, and cause famines rather than prevent them)

**Nature, Nurture and the Orphan Genome**  
...The Breslyn Orphans offer an unique opportunity to study the effects of "nature versus nurture," by comparison of the achievements and personality of Orphans who were raised by members of the so-called "Evil Empire" with those who only became aware of their status in the last few months before it collapsed, or only learned of it later...  
...It is perhaps unfortunate that so many members of the conspiracy were killed, escaped into space, or otherwise became unavailable for investigation while [the government] still refuses to confirm the identities of many suspected Orphans...  
...[standard profiling methods] may be inadequate because it is possible to "game" them, using knowledge of the testing method and prior experience to simulate a "normal" response. Those most successful at simulating a normal life are least likely to reveal their true nature... ...tests used for recalcitrant prisoners, such as polygraph and drug-enhanced interrogation...

(Rejected on civil rights grounds, humanitarian grounds, etc. etc.)

**Exobiology and the Metahuman Condition**  
...this incursion can be seen as proof that alien life exists and is capable of interacting with human DNA[1], and even causing metahuman mutations[2]. It is notable that two of the three survivors of this incident were metahumans; Terawatt before the incident, Carter afterward. Is it possible that the reason they survived was prior infection? Could this be the tip of the iceberg, evidence that all metahumans derive their powers from such infection?  
[1] Dr. Samantha Carter, _Report on the Atlantis / ISS Incursion_ , NASA  
[2] Dr. F. Harold Burns III, _Is Terawatt An Alien?_ , Weekly World News  
...concealed amongst us, and notable only by remnants of the alien heritage in their DNA, triggered by mutating elements such as GC-161. A plausible case could be made for the idea that Atron's release of the chemical was deliberate, and followed deliberate infection of the citizens of Paradise Valley with a "safer" version of the disease, used simply to modify their DNA. After mutation, the alien influence would rapidly overcome the human personality...  
...[This is] noticeable in details such as the stilted language and behaviour shown by Terawatt. While superficially convincing, the alien heritage is obvious in her (apparently) non-ironic addressing of people as "citizen," levitation even when there is no need for it, reflection of radiation in the silvery form etc. This is a life form evolved for space, not Earth...  
...Once a critical percentage of the human race is infected they will sporulate and the infection will spread explosively, spelling an end to life as we know it...

(Rejected on the grounds that Marvel Comics did it first, and more convincingly.)

These examples, and many others like them, suggest that grant proposals based on the study of metahuman abilities may fail where proposals in other areas of science would succeed. I propose, then, to conduct a rigorous statistical analysis of all applications and establish the nature and extent of any systematic bias, initially at UCLA but in later stages nation-wide and (to whatever extent is possible) internationally. The proposed methodology would consist of...

**[Funding Approved]**


End file.
